Feeling Blessed!

I kind of hit a "writer's block" over the last few weeks, and have thought over and over that I need to post a blog, but felt I just didn't have anything I wanted to write about. Then over the last couple of days, I kept thinking of how much I have to be grateful for, and how richly God has blessed me - In the little daily events of life there is so much JOY to be found! So, I thought I'd share.

My daughter Abigail is incredible. No, she's not perfect, but she is SUCH a delight. She has a personality that can fill a room and steal the show, and she makes me laugh all the time!

We get in the car, and she asks immediately for "SayBoo" - for those of you that are Veggie Tale lovers, you know this as a Silly Song, "Ceboo." She squeals out the high notes and holds out the long "boooooooooos" What is there NOT to love about that?

This morning Abigail woke up at 6 - now, this is NOT common practice. My baby girl LOVES to sleep, and often does until 9 or so. We brought her to the bed with us, and she just cuddled, and then she stayed with me and watched cartoons, and we continued to just snuggle in bed - what a time to soak up! I was so thankful for those moments, which I normally don't get because she enjoys sleeping so much!

Tonight at Toys R Us, Abigail picked up several toys and was checking them out. Then, she carried them to the shopping cart and said "here mommy buggie" and then "present mommy buggie" (see pictures below). She was so serious too! Joey and I laughed and laughed. If it were up to me, I would have bought her the whole store, but don't worry, we didn't :) The child has no concept of money, she just sees things she wants with those big blue eyes and the innocence of a child is SO happy!


























My husband - who is just an amazing, Godly man - is a treasure. I wonder all the time how I snagged him! :) He goes out of his way to try to schedule his meetings at work so she can come home and have lunch with Abigail and me. What a sweet gesture, and it's so nice to see him in the day! What a blessing that he is able, and WANTS, to do that to spend time with us!

Joey works two jobs, and yet still finds time to help with dishes, laundry, and I don't even ask. The other day, I was downstairs, and when I went back upstairs, I found he had put the folded laundry away! He is just THOUGHTFUL!

Tonight, I came downstairs and there was a large gift bag sitting in the rocking chair - inside were brand new running shoes for me! It was just because - no reason other than he knew I needed some and wanted to get them for me. That's a double blessing because I really DID need the shoes, but because my husband thought of me and continues to show his love in a meaningful way.

Last but not least, I'm thankful for Godly music. I know this may sound weird, but today Abigail and I were listening to Travis Cotrell and it was just SO nice to sit in my living room, folding laundry while Abigail "helped" me :), listening to words like "In Christ alone, my hope is found..." and then Charles Billingsly, "when I don't know what to do, I lift my hands!" What an encouragement throughout the day. We ended the day, just before taking Abigail to bed, by listening to Denver and the Mile High Orchestra, a Christian Big Band, and Abigail and I were just dancing away in the living room. Again, what a great moment to stop and appreciate!

I am so grateful for the child and husband God has given me, and for the ways that He uses them, and others, to show His love for me, and His goodness. I hope I never get to busy to see the little, daily blessings He showers down....

"Count your blessings name them one by one, Count your blessings see what God has done, Count your many blessings see what God has done!" - Hymn by Johnson Oatman


I Chronicles 16:34 - Give thanks to the Lord, for HE is good.

"Whom having not seen, We love..." 1 Peter 1:8

This past weekend, I was anticipating this week with so much excitement. It was our 7 year wedding anniversary on Monday, and Joey’s 4 Year “Cancer-versary” on Tuesday - Both reminders of God’s goodness and faithfulness to us in our lives. It was to be a weekend and early week of celebration!

Little did I know that we would need these immediate reminders of God’s love, grace, healing, and presence in our lives to carry us through the week with the reminder that HE has a perfect plan for us, even when we don’t understand.

Please know that what I’m about to write about on this blog is just based on my personal experience, and I know that many people see this topic as one that should be kept very private and it’s not often discussed. I don’t mean to offend anyone. I just feel like it is better when some experiences are just “put out there” and brought to the surface so there’s no awkwardness. Also, if we talk about cancer, death, sickness, or other medical problems, why can’t this too be discussed and shared? I know it’s such a delicate topic, to be handled carefully, I just want to be honest, and who knows, maybe in the process touch someone else who has been where I’ve been, or who might be there one day.

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Unbeknownst to really anyone, Joey and I have been going through a grueling fertility process for the past several months. Long story short, we only have a few precious tries to have our own children due to Joey’s cancer, and we were down to the last try or two, with no positive result. Then, when we least expected it, a positive pregnancy test. God had given us a miracle.

Then, in the midst of spending a slow, lazy day together on Monday, and reminiscing about our 7 years of wonderful marriage together, I began to have a miscarriage, my second since 2007. I sat there stunned, hurt, broken, and yet, unusually calm. I sat for several minutes, wanting inside to breakdown sobbing and crying, yet having this instant peace that kept me held together.

Honestly, though my heart was breaking, God provided me with HIS truth to every thought that was racing through my mind in that moment.

I knew I had just lost a precious baby, yet I knew that baby was in Heaven. I thought of how God had “knitted this baby in my womb.” Psalm 139:13 and HE had a plan for this baby.

I knew this was not what I wanted, especially after how hard we had “worked” to get to this point, but yet I kept thinking “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not unto your OWN understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him.” Proverbs 3:5-6

I sat on the side of the bed with Joey and through quiet tears, told him that my heart was broken, and I was so tired from the fertility process and so burnt out. But, I felt like God was holding me together, and that I knew He had a plan. We talked about a book we’ve read called God Meant if for Good that talks about how so many times there were circumstance in the Bible that, to the naked eye, seemed hopeless, yet God used them to create some of His greatest miracles or to mold men who would make history for His kingdom. We had to trust that in His way, this would work for His good and His glory.

As the night wore on, and I continued the process of miscarrying, I found that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. There was so much going on in my head, and with my emotions, that I just wanted some time to process it.

And yet, I couldn’t get away from His truths, and so many others, that I’ve learned firsthand over the last few years. When I was lying on my bed, crying, I looked up and saw the framed article I had written about Joey’s battle with cancer – the article is titled “The Anchor Holds.” If you think of that song, it says the ship is battered, and I knew, after all those fertility treatments and now this, my body was battered. But there, at the end of that article, I saw a picture of my healthy husband, and thought “How can I doubt God’s faithfulness? His plan? His love for us?” One of Joey’s favorite verses during the year he had cancer was Job 23:10, “But He knows the way that I take, and when He has tried me I will come forth as gold.” God was not taken by surprise by this loss, and I HAD to trust Him – He knows my path, my journey, and where He’s taking us.

Over and over that night, God surrounded us with His peace and presence, in a way that only come from HIM – “And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts.” Philippians 4:7. This doesn’t mean that our hearts didn’t hurt and break over the loss of our unborn baby, that just meant, for me, that in the midst of that hurt I could trust in Him and have HOPE because He always has our best interest in mind – “And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him.” Romans 8:28.

The next day on Tuesday, Joey’s 4 year Remission mark, I was surrounded by memories of Christ’s faithfulness to Joey and me and the truth that His “grace is sufficient [and His] power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9. As I sat at home, I also remembered that one of the key lessons I personally learned that year was that as Christians, it’s not our job to understand WHY – it’s our job to simply TRUST. Here I was, remembering this lesson, on an extremely challenging day, and I was convicted that I had to live it out, even in this circumstance. Again, this didn’t make the hurt less, but it once more helped me re-establish that I have to trust in His ultimate plan for my life, and for our family.

As I went to the hospital on Wednesday to have blood-work testing done, I turned on the radio. I don’t think it was a coincidence, but the song “He is with You” by Mandisa was playing. I turned it up and listened, certain that God had that song playing just for me. If you haven’t heard that song, it talks about how there is a time for everything, and how even in the hardest circumstances, God is with us. Yes, that song was playing just for me, in that moment. Again, God was making His presence known in the midst of my hurt and circumstances.

I don’t know what the future holds for our family. I will be taking several months off from the world of fertility treatments to let my body and emotions heal, and I don’t know what will happen when we try again with so few tries left, or how my body will hold up in the process. But what I DO know is this - I know that He is holding two precious little babies that Joey and I love dearly and will meet some day, and that I have a God who knows the path that I take, and that He loves me unconditionally, and it is those truths that bring comfort and peace that only HE can give.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

I Can Only Imagine...

A year ago this Friday, my daddy took his last earthly breath, and instantly awoke in Heaven. He left behind great pain and sickness, and awoke to the majesty of Heaven, where I know he heard “Well Done thou good and faithful servant.” and I like to think, taken straight from dad’s favorite song, he was also told, with open arms, “Welcome Home.”

I think about my incredible father each and every day, multiple times a day, but this week, my mind and thoughts have been on overload so I needed to write….

When I think about my father being in Heaven, I sit and wonder about so many things. To be honest, I always knew Heaven was real, but it wasn’t until I had a close loved one, my dad, pass away that Heaven really became something I thought about so often. I guess it’s like when a family member goes on vacation to somewhere you’ve never been, and when they return you want to know all about the food, the sights, everything they did, and see all the pictures. And while I know one day I will experience Heaven with my dad, I still find myself thinking :

Dad spent his whole life serving Christ and pointing others towards Him. What was it like the first time dad saw his Saviour? What did dad do? Did he fall on his knees, run to Him? I can’t imagine what that moment was like.

What does daddy look like in his “perfect” body? His body was so battle-scarred on earth, so what does it look like now? I like to imagine that his legs are restored and he runs down streets of gold.

On earth, Dad liked to eat! So, what’s he eating at the Banquet table?

What does dad’s mansion look like and what makes it uniquely his? Sometimes I like to picture that it’s got touches of green and orange (for dad’s team!), and has tons of bird feeders and beautiful birds that fly to him as he stands on a huge back porch (a daily event when he was here). Dad was never a man of substantial monetary wealth, so I wonder his awe at not only his mansion, but the beauty and majesty of Heaven!

When he’s not worshiping his Savior, who is he talking to? Peter? Moses? Joshua? Adrian Rogers? Jerry Falwell? Thomas Evans? Or family or his other friends in ministry that went on before him?

And, then, when I think about how he spends those eternal hours, I wonder what it was like when he met mine and Joey’s baby… While we never held that baby, or even knew its gender, dad has. I wonder if they spend their days together – Papa and grandchild, hand in hand, walking through Heaven.

I don’t know the answers to any of these questions, and I’m no theologian to know what’s even “correct” but, when I wish at times, for my own selfish reasons, that he were still here so I could call him up and talk to him or so that Abigail could crawl up into his lap, and I miss him more than I can put into words, it brings me comfort to know that he is in a place far better off than I can imagine.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has
prepared for those who love him"
1 Corinthians 2:9

Psalm 31

So, I started my blog, and then took a slight sabbatical, but that’s simply because I didn’t have anything mulling in my brain so frantically that I just HAD to write… until today.

And, while I don’t intend for my blog to just be a place where I write thoughts on my devotions, it just happens that these thoughts are currently what’s causing my brain to go on overdrive!

Lastly, let me explain that I’m attempting to read the Bible through in a year – a goal I’ve never quite attained but trusting that this year I can faithfully complete – so I’m reading in the OT, and the NT, which is why I will have thoughts from both periodically…

OT Thoughts…

In Psalm 31, in the New Living Translation, verse 3 says:

"You are my rock and my fortress. For the honor of your name, lead me out of this peril."

The portion of this verse that got my hilighter flying was “FOR THE HONOR OF YOUR NAME…”

This was a perfect reminder for me, in the midst of some personal challenges, that God allows us to go through circumstances and on journeys to bring HIMSELF honor and glory, that HE might be revealed to others, and in our lives more abundantly.

When miracles happen HE is given honor. When we can show others the love of Christ or be a witness in our trials, HE is given honor. When we grow through the pain of our circumstances, HE is given honor as we grow into who HE wants us to be.

In the NLT of this same chapter, the phrase “YOUR UNFAILING LOVE” is used THREE times. What a concept that God’s love is UNFAILING, even when we, in our imperfect state, fail so often. What a reminder of His promise to never leave us or forsake us.

The final verse of this chapter wraps it all up perfectly with:

"So be strong and take courage, all you who put your hope in the Lord!"

May I remember that whatever I'm facing, I can take HOPE in the Lord, and in His UNFAILING love, so that it might bring HONOR to His name....

Seeking Wisdom - Proverbs 8

Yesterday I read Proverbs 8 (NLT), and found many lessons I had never seen before, and throughout yesterday and today, I've been "chewing" on these thoughts about wisdom.

#1 - Verse 4 says: " I call to you, to ALL of you! I am raising my voice to ALL people." The use of the word ALL is what captivated me. ALL - really - ALL of us can seek wisdom. Not just the educated, the rich, and pastors, the most beautiful, but ALL of us. Everyone has the opportunity, and has the choice to seek out wisdom.

*2 - Verses 7-14 state that wisdom:

• speaks in truth and hates deception
• gives wholesome advice
• is not crooked or corrupt
• shows good judgement
• discovers knowledge
• has discernment
• hates pride, arrogance, corruption, and perverted speech
• gives good advice

My first thoughts here are: "if this is what defines wisdom, why shouldn't we ALL want it?" and my second thought has been "Do I live a life that is marked by wisdom?" Sadly, the answer is no - I am not perfect! But, what a desire to live a life, based on these traits, that is marked by wisdom!

#3 - Verse 17 says: "Those who search for me will SURELY find me." (my own emphasis added). With the previous thought in mind, God assures us that if we seek wisdom, He promises us that we will SURELY find it! Not maybe, not hopefully, but SURELY. What a promise we can rest in as we strive to be more like Christ each day!

#4 - Verses 27-31 - WOW, what a CREATOR. He "set the clouds above" and "set limits to the sea." He "marked off the earth's foundations." Incredible!

#5 - Verse 36 says: "But those who miss me [wisdom] have injured themselves." This verse really made me pause and think through this....When we are injured, we typically can't work or live to our fullest capacities. We are hindered by our injury. The potential of what we can do is often limited by the injury. What a thought to think that if we don't seek out wisdom, we are hindering our ability to live the life God intends for us. We are limiting our potential.

I'm sure these thoughts will continue to mull around in my head for several more days to come as I process them, but most importantly, I hope I remember them - daily - so I can strive to live a life marked by wisdom, fully performing whatever He as for me.

Did I Really Just do This?

Yes, I did just start a blog! And, believe it or not, I'm excited about it!

I've actually been thinking about starting a blog for months now, but you know how it goes - you get busy, you forget, you doubt whether or not you should do it....

But, I finally determined that I wasn't going to put it offer any longer, and was going to get started - today!

My purpose here is to do just what my Blog title states - have a place to write.

I LOVE to write.

In any moment, my mind is going a million directions and I'm thinking more than I can process. It's then that I find I just want to start WRITING. It's an outlet for me.

So, that's where I find myself now... just creating a blog where I can write my thoughts, opinions, and ideas about life and anything that I might encounter in any given day.

With that in mind, welcome to my Writing Spot.

Cynthia